Quotes from me and my peepz | Song Quotes
MST3K Quotes | Comedian Quotes | Misc Quotes
"Computer geeks have the best hardware." - Me
"Speak softly...and carry a big schlong!" - Me
"Hey, this the point where you're supposed to call me a Gringo! I'm offended by your non-racism!" - Me to Frank, though unless you know the context, you might not think it too funny XD
"When life gives ya lemons...SUCK 'EM!" - Mom XD Yes, my own dear sweet mother said that. Ain't it great?
"Calypsish?" - Dad (hehehe, inside joke)
"'Diplomate'? That sounds like a whore house for ambassadors!." - Dad, being a smart-aleck at me while I made a typo.
"I dunno, I took my Acifex today." - Dad...and yes, it's funny, 'cause think about how that word is pronounced : "Ass-effects" XD
"Who're you callin' a dork, dork?" - My Crazy Uncle James
"You atheist, tree-humping hickey!" - Kim, and you'd probably be better off not asking XD
"You can't fold in Rummy, dummy!" - More from Kim, this one aimed at me. Gee, wonder why XD
"Ah, ya just think you're so smuckin' fart, doncha?" - Jeff
"Please disregard any signs regarding the disregarding of any signs." - Jeff
"Whatever floats your boat, sinks your dinghy." - another Jeff-ism
"I agree wholefartedly." - YET one more Jeff-ism
"I don't do the whole left and right side of the brain thing, I do all my thinking in the middle." - Jeff
"Hahaha! Dude, you're even on the wrong side of the turning lane!" - Jeff again, to me as I was trying to turn into a Wal-Mart parking lot, but waaaaay too early, and ended up having to go around to the left of some other turning cars, me ending up, well, on the wrong side of the turning lane XD Truly a sad predicament
"Oh, so we can't wear revealing negligees at Wal-Mart?" - Brian XD LOOOOONG story, you might not wanna know
"Gay men frolick...Men *PRANCE*!" - More from Brian...This one, again, you might not wanna know
Me: Shoot, if I just had a Cray, I'd be happy. I mean, is that too much to ask?
Brian: LOL
Brian: what OS would you run on it?
Me: *shrugs* Hecked if I know
Brian: DOS 3.0
Me: (falls over laughing again)
Brian: better yet, windows 3.1
Me: (rolls around laughing)
{Speaking of his first computer experience}
"It was running at a blazing half a megahertz." - Dr. Setzer, one of my computer programming professors.
"Oh well, algebra is colorblind" - Dr. Derado, my Linear Algebra professor...as for context, he was writing a problem on the whiteboard in multiple marker colors to identify different aspects of the problem...then he messed up a color XD
"God bless America! DIE, YOU COMMUNIST BASTARDS!!!" - this dude named Chuck I play XBox with at college, yelling at a video game as he unloaded machine gun fire on some commies XD
"Apparently, you can't snort potato chips through your nose. Now the question is, if I drink Sprite, will it burn on the way down?" Allen from college, and yes, he had just laughed with chips in his mouth XD
"So basically, you're the Benedict Arnold who could!" - Russ from college. As to the context...well...if you really wanna know, ask me.
"That's 40 points right at the start! YES! We're at least still failing!" - Russ, during Linear Algebra...and...I don't even remember why XD
"Dude, your middle finger has E.D." - Russ again XD Just...don't ask...
"I know I pick on you occasionally, but it's not to bring you down. It's becuase witty banter is amusing!" - Josh, also from college, on why he does what he does.
"To be fair, at most doughnut shops, the glazed doughnuts are quite organized." - Kenneth, during an Apples To Apples game, defending his insistence that my Glazed Doughnuts card should win the 'Organized' green card.
"Spontaneous Constipation for the win!!!" - This dude I met playing Apples To Apples at college. Said I can call him..."Toast". O.o
Me : Heh, let us go forth and p0wn some n00bs!
Frank : Roflsaurus, what server?
"What's 5% of 100?" - Frank
"Apparently, pool is a physically demanding sport! I'm sweating, dude!" - Frank again...yes, the way we play is pretty full-contact.
"It's just gay to slap someone on the butt who doesn't play football." - Trey (a football player I used to hang out with...long story)
"You know what their problem is? They're just jealous you have a bigger package than they do." - Sarah to me
"I don't discriminate, I hate everyone all the same....XD j/k" - Sarah
"Why premises at all? Why not postmises?" - Timmo
"Fine... I'll wish you a merry premise and a happy nude deer, then...." - Timmo again
"And it's pretty pathetic when you can't even get hit on in a room full of single gay guys." - Timmo yet again, trying to 1-up me in a contest of loser-hood (yes, this statement clinched the win for him XD)
"The weirdness of Ando intoxicates everyone!" - Jess, well, obviously, talking about me
"There is no weird cause there is no normal therefore there is no standard by which to judge" - Jessie to me, after I called her weird for liking Accounting
"Uhhhh...ummm...I'm sorry, my allegiance is to Steve...I pledege allegiance...to the Steve...of the talented Canadian musicians...and to the other members...though not as hot...are one band, invincible, with Steve and his hottness for all." - Emmy, referring to Steven Page of BNL, after I tried to get her to say my lips are sexier than Steve's XD
"Well..*snickers* when I was young I wanted a hairy chest..and my daddy said, 'Grass dosen't grow on a playground.'" - Chrys, and as for why this came up in conversation, you'd best not ask XD
"But I can't be dramatic on a dirty floor!" - Joanna, and yes, she said this very dramatically XD
Note : This exchange is in reference to my tree-hugging pic
Matt : TREE HUGGER!
Matt : Lol.
Me : Hehehe, true
Me : Brian keeps insisting I'm humping it XD
Matt : Lmao.
Me : Mom and Dad were there, I would hardly think I would hump a tree in front of them
Matt : That's.. oddly, no...
Matt : There's a certain line no man should ever cross. Lol.
Me : Exactly........humping a tree in the presence of one's parents.......that's crossing that line, methinks
Matt : That's crossing ANY line.
Me : XD I concur
Me : So didja make any death threats today?
Matt : Nope.
Me : Cool....progress
Matt : Well.
Matt : Wait.
Matt : Yes.
Matt : One.
Matt : But, that was necessary.
Matt : Was out of my power.
Matt : The girl wouldn't take no for an answer.
Me : O.o
Matt : She kept asking me out.
Matt : I kept saying no.
Matt : So, finally.
Matt : I got pissed and threatened to cut her into small hunks and feed her to my dog.
Me : *sighs and shakes my head* Dude, man, we gotsta work on this.......
Matt : you know.
Matt : i get annoyed with girls when they say they're ugly..
Matt : especially when they're nowhere near it.
Me : XD I do too..........even more so if they're really hott
Me : Hahaha! Mental jinx.....
Matt : lmao.
Me : I swear, our friendship has GOT to be one of the oddest things.......you and I are SO different in so many obvious ways, that most people probably wouldn't see the subtle inner workings of our minds that make us the same in other ways......heh, a pic of psycho you and just weird me.........nobody would get that XD
Matt : lmao.
Matt : people would be like..
Matt : ".. the bigger one's holding the one in the tye-dye shirt hostage, right?"
Me : XD
Me : Or, like, "Isn't the one in the Hawaiian shirt scared? I mean, he's about to get mugged, raped and killed, isn't he?"
Matt : lmao.
Matt : i wonder if people would survive in our minds.
Matt : lol.
Me : And we;'d be like, "Um, no........that's just us, we're friends, guys"
Me : "Matt may LOOK like he's about to kill me, but he's not, really."......."So, he's not psycho?"......."uh, well, yeah he is, but we're cool....."
Matt : lol.
Matt : "so, he's not psycho?"..
Matt : "... well.. we'll get back to you on that.."
Me : And your peepz that know you would be like, "So, where'd you hide that guy's body?"
Matt : lmao.
Matt : i'd be like.
Matt : "he's in my car."
Matt : "woah, can we poke it?"
Matt : "it? he's still alive."
Matt : "oh.. my.. god.."
Matt : ".. no comment."
Matt : lol.
Me : Then I'd wave "Hey guys! What up?"
Matt : lmao.
Matt : You. Entertain me with jigs supported by Meow, Meow Kitty Mix.
Me : O.o
Me : I prefer this one
Me : *does an Ando-original dance I call the Leaping Leprechaun*
Matt : [ Gives two thumbs up. ]
Matt : Oh man.. I'm stuck going to the Vans Warped Tour this year. That's going to be Hell.
Matt : A bunch of pre-pubescent children coming to see Bowling For Soup; Good Charlotte; and Simple Plan.. surrounding me with Liberty Spike haircuts..
Me : *coughs delicately* Careful, I been to 2 GC concerts
Matt : Did you sport a Liberty Spike buzz?
Me : No
Matt : You're fine, then. =P
Me : XD I have fished before
Matt : This doesn't surprise me.
Me : .............was that a redneck/Southern joke?
Matt : Possibly.
Matt : Let's ponder on it. Lol.
Me : You gotta admit I complain a lot
Matt : Everyone complains alot.
Matt : It's humanity.
Me : I know, but you should know me well enough by now to know I always automatically assume everything's my fault XD
Me : "It's all gonna end, and it might as well be my fault", eh?
Matt : xD
Matt : « The world explodes. |Ando.: Sooooooooooooooorry...| »
Me : *falls over laughing*
Matt : No need to be afraid.
Matt : Simply come to the Dark Side.
Matt : We have cookies!!
Me : Ugh.........urm..........*tries to resist* But, but........but Obi-Wan and Yoda said not tooooooooooooooo
Matt : >< Yoda talks funny, how can you listen to him!?
Me : Well, y'know, he's supposed to be wise and stuff
Matt : If you can't even use proper English.. you can't be too wise.
Me : Ur.............*looks at light saber* Well, red doesn't match my robes like this blue one......
Matt : ....You have a point.
Me : *whew* Man, never knew the temptation would be so strong.......man........at least I have my fashion sense to aid me.............
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"I'm so cool - too bad I'm a loser
I'm so smart - too bad I can't get anything figured out
I'm so brave - too bad I'm a baby
I'm so fly - that's prob'ly why it feels just like I'm falling for the first time" - BNL, "Falling For The First Time"
"And for every useless reason I know, there's a reason not to care. If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?" - BNL, "For You"
"The seat of learning and the flush of success relieves a constipated mind." 10cc, "Life Is A Minestrone"
"Up yours, up mine; but up everybody's, that takes time...but we're working on it." - 10cc, "The Worst Band In The World"
"I beg to differ, on the contrary, I agree with every word that you say." Green Day, "Walking Contradiction"
"Are you locked up in a world that's been planned out for you? Are you feelin' like a social tool without a use? Scream at me until my ears bleed. I'm takin' heed just for you." - Green Day, "She"
"Bash in my brain and make me scream with pain, then kick me once again and say we'll never part. I know too well I'm underneath your spell, so darling if you smell something burning, it's my heart." - Tom Lehrer, "The Masochism Tango"
"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell." - Matchbox 20, "Unwell"
"Hello, it's me, I'm not at home. If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone!" - Sheryl Crow, "A Change Would Do You Good"
"All the times that I've cried
All this wasted, it's all inside
And I feel all this pain
Stuff it down, it's back again
And I lie here in bed
All alone, I can't mend
But I feel tomorrow will be OK"
- Staind, "Outside"
"''Cause everything you wanted me to hide is everything that makes me feel alive
...
If you were right and I was wrong
Why are you the one who's gone
And I'm still here?
...
You've seen the ashes of my heart
I smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart
...
Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to run away
But I'm still here."
- Selected lines from Vertical Horizon, "I'm Still Here"
"I woke up, it was 7
I waited 'till 11 just to figure out that no one would call
I think I've got a lot of friends, but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When you're spending every day on your own?"
- Simple Plan, "I"m Just A Kid" (my frickin' theme song)
"All the things that I wanna say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
'Cause it's you and me and all other people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you."
- Lifehouse, 'You And Me"
"'Cause ya can't jump a track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, boys
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe..."
- Anna Nalick, "Breathe (2 AM)"
"The answers we find are never what we had in mind
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk in dreams, and I won't mention tomorrow
And we won't make those promises that we can't keep
I will never leave you, I will not let you down"
- Nine Days, "If I Am"
"I hope you wait for me behind closed eyes
I know I'll search for you all through the night
'Till when the dawn breaks in and throws its light
Around the room
Goodnight, I'm goin' to bed
I'm falling upstairs to meet you
I wake up with memories in my head
I'm somewhere else instead
Falling upstairs to you"
- Fastball, "Falling Upstairs"
"It's the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine"
- REM, "The End Of The World"
"I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come
But still I can't remember anything
It's nothing wrong, and yet I swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
Any place but those I know by heart
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far"
- Gin Blossoms, "Follow You Down"
"Look into your heart, pretty baby
Is it achin' with some nameless need?
Is there somethin' wrong and you can't put your finger on it?
Right then, roll to me."
- Del Amitri, "Roll To Me"
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"Hey, what is it about the gates of Hell that compels people to wander into 'em?" - Crow T. Robot, "Pod People"
"Does Mike's bed exist if there's no Mike?" - an odd philosophical question from Mikey, the Mike Sprite
"Cheating : How to make it work for you at home and on the job!" - Tom Servo, MiSTing the short "Cheating"
"And remember, when you cheat, you make an 'eat' out of C and H." - Crow T. Robot on cheating
"So, 'I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself', that's ALL you needed to say!" - Mike Nelson, MiSTing "Hamlet", right after the famous "To be or not to be..." soliloquy
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"I got fired last year in Las Vegas from the Frontier Hotel, for saying sh*t in a town where the big game is called Crap. That's some kind of a double-standard, y'know? I'm sure there was some Texan standin' out in the casino yellin' 'Aw, sh*t, I crapped!' And they fly those guys in free, y'know. Fired me. Sh*t. You can get in as much trouble saying sh*t as you can smokin' it down there." - George Carlin
"Perhpas the worst thing is when you go into the fridge and come out with something that you cannot identify at all. You LITERALLY have no idea what it is! Could be meat, could be cake. Usually, in a situation like that, I'll bluff. 'Honey, is this good?' 'Well, what is it?' 'I don't know! I've never seen anything like it! It looks like...MEATCAKE!' 'Well, smell it.' (sniff, sniff) 'It has absolutely no smell whatsoever.' 'It's good! Put it back. Somebody's been saving it. It'll turn up somewhere.' That's what frightens me; that someone will consider it a challenge and use it just because it's in there. It's a leftover. That's a sad word, y'know? Leftover. How would you like to be a leftover? Well, it wouldn't be so bad if they were taking people out to be shot. I might even volunteer. But y'know, leftovers make you feel good twice. Did you ever think about that? Leftovers give you two seperate really good feelings. When you first put them away, you feel really intelligent, 'I'm saving food!' Then, after a month, when there's hair growing out of them and you throw them away, you feel really intelligent, 'I'm saving my life!'" - George Carlin
"Do people do that with you? Offer you some food that if YOU don't eat it, they're only gonna throw it away? Well, doesn't that make ya feel dandy?" - George Carlin
"Women go out of their way to smell good. If men have a fragrance, it's usually an accident. 'Charles, what is that alluring odor?', 'Oh, that's Michelob, I hit a bump in the truck.'" - Jeff Foxworthy
"I love the punk rockers. Don't be too hard on them, because one day they'll have kids, and those kids will find those pictures." - Louie Anderson
"I asked a guy once, 'What is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?' He said, 'Well, it intensifies your personality.' I said, 'Yes, but what if you're an asshole?'" - Bill Cosby
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"Don't be economic girlie-men!" - Arnold Schwarzenegger, speaking at the RNC
"If a saw has no teeth, is it still a saw?" - Malcolm the Jester, in the computer game "The Legend of Kyrandia Book 3 ; Malcolm's Revenge"
"I ain't as green as I'm cabbage-lookin'!" - An old 49er named Jeb in the computer game "Hoyle Classic Games"
"Your sword's blowing glue! Lemme try that again. Your sword's glowing blue!" - Dalboz of Gurth, in the computer game "Zork : Grand Inquisitor"
"What are you gonna do, bleed on me?" - King Arthur, "Monty Python And The Holy Grail"
"[Mount] Kilimanjarou (sp?) is a pretty tricky climb. Most of it's up, until you reach the very, very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply." - The double-vision mountaineer (Monty Python).
"But we must remember that art is art. Still, on the other hand, water is water. And East is East and West is West. And if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb." - Captain Geoffery T. Spaulding in the movie "Animal Crackers"
"Boot to the head!" - Many times over in the two skits "Ti Kwan Leep" and "Last Will And Temperament" by The Frantics
"Give me a row of orc-necks and room to swing and all weariness will fall from me." - Gimli the dwarf in "The Two Towers" (the book, it was not in the movie, alas)
"I've got PLENTY of common sense! I just choose to ignore it." - Calvin (from the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes)
"The best diplomat is a fully-charged phaser bank." - Scotty from Star Trek ("A Taste Of Armageddon")
"Chocolate is its own inspiration." - Alton Brown...and truer words have never been spoken
"I wish people would stop asking 'Why me?'" - Belgarath the sorcerer, many times in the David Eddings books containing him
"If people would just stop being so g**d*** stupid, I wouldn't have to complain as much!" - Adam Corrola
"Let me say something to all those who are called weird. Why do people say you're weird? Because you're weird!" - Adam Corrolla
"That's the truth or my name's not whatever my name is!" - Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H*
"We ordered rectal thermometers and got spark plugs ; both very useful items but hardly interchangeable." - Col. Potter, M*A*S*H*
"A little y'know never hurt anybody." - Hawkeye Pierce, "M*A*S*H*
"While out shopping in L.A. this week, she [Britney Spears] was snapped by paparazzi styling a belt buckle with a rather rude four-letter request written on it (it rhymes with "duck you," only less helpful)." - from an MSN Entertainment news article.
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